I have never typed a blog on myspace, but hey why not start?
well...
 In today's adventure
Nothing special TRULY happened ,but towards  the end of my 6th period (french class). I was re-writing my essay for my final exam, when some idiot (nameless) struck me with one of those ridiculous paper taco's and smacked me on my face. Anger was built inside of me and i threw a pencil, unfortunatly missing,so i took matter into my own hands and stood up walking towards this nameless person ,I snatched his bookbag before he can even mutter any senseless babble and opened his book bag allowing his notebook with loose sheets of paper fly across the ground, and  to further calm my anger i grinded my foot along the paper kicking his notebooks across the ground ,scattering amongst the portable classroom floor. Today was a good day...

 

I:Yes, that's what she said.

I:A complete verse a source of tranquility.

I:It wasn't me, but what I couldn't do.

I:It was my choice to prove myself.

I:There was too much strength for an unattended idea.

I:A simple touch barely gave it power.

I:Minutes become years and seconds become hours.

I:The reaction to a person would only hurt to those who cared.

I:But, Ill stop myself in my tracks when I realize what's right.

I:Should I just thinking about it?

I:It's not a question but a mere demand

I:And, Ill go forth hoping that things will get better.

I:But, only to see that my thoughts may turn their backs on me.

I:Tell me what to do next, oh humble reason.

I:Decide, so my empathy won't feel a thing.

I:Why are you taking so long?

I:Am I waiting for a revisit?

I:Maybe the decider will take its time until he finds what's right?

I:Perhaps…

Reason: You may be right.

Reason:But don't tell me you are getting better?

Reason:Don't lie to yourself, have some dignity have some self respect

I:But that's not what I see; it's not what I feel

I:I can barely think of something without having a need to explode

I:So I just stay completely still and I feel

I:That binding, wrapping around me and

I:I can't move. I can't decide

I: my throbbing heart pumps the new blood into my veins

I: Unsure, Unplanned, and not my decision

I: and my heart still beats faster when I think of her.

I: Shaking hands, tapping foot, sweating face, and then she speaks.

I: I knew the words, I knew the voice, but I was unprepared.

I: Dry throat, lack of spit, yet I still hold on to the last drop to quench my thirst.

I: No ill intent, No evil sounds, and my feelings were laying there.

I: My steps meant nothing, my words couldnt shake, and my hands would do no better.

I: A sudden moment, and the sensation stops, but I keep going.

I: The black and white world couldn't bring color to my life.

I: And so, colorless it will remain, but I will still think of her and

I:I keep asking if it will stop

 I:So I can look forward to something

I think:But reason kicks in and shouts in my face….

Reason:Are you not a man?

Reason:You can't be falling and failing to capture yourself

Reason:How pathetic can you go? Things just don't happen

Reason:And waiting for someone will do you no good

Reason:Getting your brain and heart mixed up will only kill you

Reason:Don't just settle for a sharp pain for closure

Reason:Don't settle period

Reason:Don't just lay there waiting for someone to wake you up from a dream

Reason:Your fantasy is not what it really seems

Reason:Don't be fooled by an imposter of the intellect

Reason:Your ideas, your mind those things make you who you are

Reason:So love who you are, don't blame yourself

Reason:If anything, bring back that person who was free

Reason:The person who felt the true meaning of happiness and find it

Reason:But, once you do, don't let it go; it's not an easy thing to lose

Reason:Beyond acceptance, beyond reason, beyond your heart and mind

Reason:This is even beyond you

Reason: I saw him walking slowly out of truth, barely keeping his balance.

 He walked slowly but his strength gave in  

He fell back, bending his knees and laying his back looking for cushion. 

He kept breathing heavily; He was no longer uttering words but grunts and coughs 

His hands shook as he crawled to my feet, and he looked up only to see himself. 

I: Did I deserve such pain?

Reason: Yes

I: how can you mutter such words? Am I not you, as you are to me?  Are we not one? How can you be against me? how can you of all people say I deserved such pain?Whatever feeling I felt you felt as well. DON'T YOU dare lie to me! DON'T YOU DARE!

I: I won't let myself be a weak victim to no one, just as soon as I…

Reason: He fell, the truth has affected him greatly, I highly doubt if he will remember what currently happened. 

Reason: He looked around as he felt the stiff and rough concrete ground. 

I: what has happening reason? Why am I on the floor? 

Reason thinks: The truth has blinded him of his source of reality, he questioned what reality was. He could barely pick himself up, so I picked him up and carried him towards water.

Reason: I tried my best to help him wake up from mystification

Reason: I saw that his were eyes closed, his body felt so light weight, I still love him no matter what he does, I have been there through and through. I wouldn't let someone come between us.

Reason: I placed him in a lake and I submerged him in the water, I laid his body afloat and I let the cool clear water run through his skin to provide an awakening to him.

Reason: he was weak, barely able to move, the torture that man has been through, I pity him. I wish I could just show him how much I care, instead of just being called a decider.

 

Reason: I just want him to understand, I want him to feel truth, is that so hard to understand? Don't you understand how much I love you? How I would die for you in an instant. My feelings for you will never change; I just want you to learn.

Reason: I want you to learn so much, I want you to realize that the madness behind my love truly does have a meaning. I am no architect of evil, but a designer of affection.

I think: there was no attachment, but just freedom,

I: what is this? Where am I?

I: my feet quickly scanned around the shallow location, and I see this man hold his hand on my chest and push me down to the water, but I resist

I: I am no slave to this man; I push away this man, only to see confusing in his eyes.

I: he holds me and tries to tell me what occurred, but in terror I push him away.

I: I try to swim but my legs felt unbearably weak, I moved my arms only to feel this powerful cramp surround it.

I: there is no escape from all of this.

Reason: I run towards him, and he has no control, it must be an effect from the facts.

Reason:  I fall down to his knees and I see his fist running towards my face putting me down to the ground. He has trouble walking and yet he continues.
Reason: Does he still have power, is he still in control?

I: my balance is like an  earthquake,  

I: I tumble but I quickly run from this man who is following me 

I: I need an escape.

I:  I ran away from the nearby water and I ran into a vacant lot

I think: I need to end my  life as soon as possible...

I: I hear reason yelling at the top of his lungs...

Reason:  STOP, DON'T!!!! We need each other. It's the only way we can function.

 

I: I don't need anybody, I saw the truth, I saw reality, and reality Is just a terrible sight, it only leads men to their deaths, and that is what I shall do. Die… 

Reason: NO Don't Do It, End life over this?

I: Why must you keep following me?

Reason: You speak of madness, what do expect me to do? 

I: I expect you to let me make my own decisions

I: I may not be making the right one in your eyes, but it is a decision, a decision that a free man is making, a man who after much deliberation can think for himself. 

Reason: Sir I understand your words, but Death? How can you think of Death? 

Reason: I saw him smile and walk away from me. 

I:  I have no need for you anymore; I was exposed to something you weren't, Love and Truth.

I: I ask you out of love, Reason… Let me be

Reason: If you kill yourself, you shall have to take me with you.

I: and you tell me that I speak of madness?  

Reason: May words may seem silly, but I choose not to live in solitude.

I: You have to live, May your wise words inspire another. 

I think: But it was in that moment that I felt Reason's words penetrating my thoughts.

eason: I don't think you will hurt yourself in anyway, you fear death. I know you do.

 

I:  I will, Reason, there is always a way to die!

 

I: Being exposed to the actuality of existence has molded me. I have been entrapped by this void for way too long.

 

I:  I jolt my arm and shove it directly to the eye of my own reason; I swept his leg dropping his weak body, and tough spirit, on to the ground.

 

I: he landed head first on to the ground, and he was followed by a quick tear and snap

 

I: my serpent like fingers wrapped around his neck, and like a venom-less snake I squeezed him till I felt his thick veins pulsating on my palms.

 

I: I gasped for air and I questioned my action.

  

 I held his neck and I clutched the windpipe.

 

I was breathing less, and felt Reasons hand gripping on my forearm.   

I refused to let go, and I felt my love vanishing from my heart, my body, and my soul.

 

I experienced an immense pressure on my heart.

 

I think: Was this love? Or Was this Hate?

 

I: My mouth opened wide, as my blood trickled from my lips....

 

I: I could speak no further, my providence was near.

 

I: Truth escaped, Love crushed me, and reason could no longer speak.

 

I: Tears seeped from my eyes, and I felt my compassion pumping slower.

 

I: I tilted my body next to reason, I rested my head on his chest and I closed my eyes.

 

I: I felt my lids closing as the weight of fatality were pushing them down.

 

I think: Was this all a dream?

 

I: My crimes were committed out of detestation, out of revulsion, out of abhorrence and they were self inflicted

 

I think: I love you, no matter what you do. I will treasure our moments where my empathy use to be.

 

I: Out of my mind, out on a whim, Out of control

 

I: Truth leads me to my own demise, yet I may never understand why?

 

I: I couldn't explain why things occurred, and why my emotions collided with one another.

 

I: I couldn't possibly hurt myself, reason was absolutely right.

 

I: But he never thought about himself in the procedure. Here excluded himself and was considered the supreme over me.

 

I: He manipulated my outcomes and made sure that I suffered along the way.

 

I: I did what I did, because it had to be done.

 

I: No more questions and No more hate presented to me.

 

I think: Things happen for a reason.

w

 

Mind games were played

But mainly shelter and dumb luck

It's unbelievably difficult to keep it in me.

Following my usual schedule I went on my road of safety

Having the wheels turn like the cycle of my life

I could turn the wheel by the touch of my hands, (not much effort but still frightening)

I could turn right and hurt my partner, and never have them there again

So I turn left, nothing to worry about, and my foot won't press the brakes.

I accelerate, I move forward, without  heart and without you.

The right way wasn't even a choice at this point.

Death or safety

Nothing to worry about, but still a thoughtful moment

Was this a form of interpretation or messages?

But why was I so calm about it all?

Turning the wheel wasn't hard,

But stopping to think would have led to grief

The road turns to the direction that it wants to.

I doubt that I have total control, but something seems natural or familiar

Minor Bumps, crosses, dodges, turns, swirls, twirls, and it could all end

When Decisions are made in a colorful way, but could end in another.

I fear what these signs mean, and whether or not I am making them happen.

Do I have power over these odd decisions?

 Or do I just tell myself that for road safety?

What a day…

 After such conflicts, laying on the soft sand sounds convincing

 The tide is almost near. 

Time is ending so quickly, and I am barely succeeding

My soul is waiting to leave my body, but I tell it to remain

Anger won't rush through me

And I won't call it a day.

I am stuck where I am, and ill be dead soon 

It's terrible to know the exact moment when you die

But ill pretend what ever im thinking is a lie

It could be anything Or maybe it's me who can't understand 

I lay on the sand by the shore, with blue skies and no fences

It's not a terrible location, but the perfect one.(but for what?)

*I think*

But, somewhere along the line, I lost my mind

Temporarily repaired for mental acceptance

(I can't control it)

Pushing the barrier of my own future

My eyes are closed ,I breathe on my own and ignore everyone else

 I have a mindless rant, where no one can hear me

I see no proof that I am completely wrong,

But no evidence to say I am right

 I am strapped down with the key to liberate

But I postpone my own release

I feel like I took advantage of my life (but maybe ill survive this) 

I can hold my breath for a long time (I can't panic if I dont hold my breath!)

The shore rises to my face and pulls back.

It looks unsure, and perplexed at what to do.

*action*

The shore confuses me, you confuse me

When I actually try to realize who you are, or what you want

You change, you renovate and

You transform so much that you barely recognize yourself 

It does not mean that I don't consider your decision, you just never told me about them.

You wear this mask with beautiful decorations, yet you hide your true self

You don't realize how your own actions have a massive affect.

One person tells me this, and you tell me that

The doors are unlocked yet I can't see myself past the door.

You elude me to this idea that you need help

I consider it an opening, not a door slam to my face.

The tide unlike you, makes its decision, (it covers me with water.)

It won't stop, but continue.

And the tide finally has grasp of me, it holds me and caresses me.

I'm not moving, I am following the water.

(good intentions)

They are taking everything
One moment after the next, I am forced to sit
I have nothing better to do, so I gaze on to a blank canvas
Oh I wish there was less minutes in the day so I can get over you
Watching people, watching everything watching something ... That's what I need to do
Deafening myself without intention
Raising the volume so that I could find my hidden message

I could search for something to please myself
I find excitement on a work of art...… (Who am I kidding?)
I won't find anything, but I still have hope.
But with my luck, time will run out
Constrained and absolutely losing my sense of will
I am not the owner of my senses(I can never be)
Time has control over me; it decides whether or not I am limited
I don't want to tell myself monotonous outbursts
I want to be in control, I want to pace myself!

Who is better than who?

But god forbid that time loses its omnipotent grasp!
I could careless what time believes, I am not a generator for this "superior being"!

I am not a machine I am a man and men do not operate as machines, we have ideas we have beliefs, we have culture.

While your busy counting seconds to minutes.
WE don't do as we are told; we are not natural born slaves WE ARE FREE!!
I AM FREE, I don't need to sit and wait
I NEED TO ACT (sit and wait, for whom? A savoir? For what?)
I don't need a savior, I'll make my own.

Just know one thing…
You can control the world's actions, feelings, thoughts
but not mine

let me have space let me ,breathe on my own, just give me time

Let me have blame for my own actions, for once….

TIME's thoughts

I bring something that doesn't relate with the matter

I won't subject myself for any reason

But when I see such an inhuman, such a horrifying act, how do I look away?

How do I imagine that the act was purely for good?

I can barely move forward with out having myself in place

But I say to myself, why am I like this? Why am I fighting?

I can't do a damn thing, I have to walk away, I have to give up