contraspectrum

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:22:00

2009-03-01T04:23:08Z

French classroom
Current mood: accomplished

I have never typed a blog on myspace, but hey why not start?
well...
In today's adventure
Nothing special TRULY happened ,but towards the end of my 6th period (french class). I was re-writing my essay for my final exam, when some idiot (nameless) struck me with one of those ridiculous paper taco's and smacked me on my face. Anger was built inside of me and i threw a pencil, unfortunatly missing,so i took matter into my own hands and stood up walking towards this nameless person ,I snatched his bookbag before he can even mutter any senseless babble and opened his book bag allowing his notebook with loose sheets of paper fly across the ground, and to further calm my anger i grinded my foot along the paper kicking his notebooks across the ground ,scattering amongst the portable classroom floor. Today was a good day...

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:22:00

2009-03-01T04:22:50Z

tell me what YOU think
Current mood: accomplished

I:Yes, that's what she said.

I:A complete verse a source of tranquility.

I:It wasn't me, but what I couldn't do.

I:It was my choice to prove myself.

I:There was too much strength for an unattended idea.

I:A simple touch barely gave it power.

I:Minutes become years and seconds become hours.

I:The reaction to a person would only hurt to those who cared.

I:But, Ill stop myself in my tracks when I realize what's right.

I:Should I just thinking about it?

I:It's not a question but a mere demand

I:And, Ill go forth hoping that things will get better.

I:But, only to see that my thoughts may turn their backs on me.

I:Tell me what to do next, oh humble reason.

I:Decide, so my empathy won't feel a thing.

I:Why are you taking so long?

I:Am I waiting for a revisit?

I:Maybe the decider will take its time until he finds what's right?

I:Perhaps…

Reason: You may be right.

Reason:But don't tell me you are getting better?

Reason:Don't lie to yourself, have some dignity have some self respect

I:But that's not what I see; it's not what I feel

I:I can barely think of something without having a need to explode

I:So I just stay completely still and I feel

I:That binding, wrapping around me and

I:I can't move. I can't decide

I: my throbbing heart pumps the new blood into my veins

I: Unsure, Unplanned, and not my decision

I: and my heart still beats faster when I think of her.

I: Shaking hands, tapping foot, sweating face, and then she speaks.

I: I knew the words, I knew the voice, but I was unprepared.

I: Dry throat, lack of spit, yet I still hold on to the last drop to quench my thirst.

I: No ill intent, No evil sounds, and my feelings were laying there.

I: My steps meant nothing, my words couldnt shake, and my hands would do no better.

I: A sudden moment, and the sensation stops, but I keep going.

I: The black and white world couldn't bring color to my life.

I: And so, colorless it will remain, but I will still think of her and

I:I keep asking if it will stop

I:So I can look forward to something

I think:But reason kicks in and shouts in my face….

Reason:Are you not a man?

Reason:You can't be falling and failing to capture yourself

Reason:How pathetic can you go? Things just don't happen

Reason:And waiting for someone will do you no good

Reason:Getting your brain and heart mixed up will only kill you

Reason:Don't just settle for a sharp pain for closure

Reason:Don't settle period

Reason:Don't just lay there waiting for someone to wake you up from a dream

Reason:Your fantasy is not what it really seems

Reason:Don't be fooled by an imposter of the intellect

Reason:Your ideas, your mind those things make you who you are

Reason:So love who you are, don't blame yourself

Reason:If anything, bring back that person who was free

Reason:The person who felt the true meaning of happiness and find it

Reason:But, once you do, don't let it go; it's not an easy thing to lose

Reason:Beyond acceptance, beyond reason, beyond your heart and mind

Reason:This is even beyond you

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:22:00

2009-03-01T04:22:22Z

Tell me what YOU think conclusion 2

Reason: Can you understand my words?

Reason: My purpose my thoughts aren't cruel

Reason: It's just approached that way

Reason: But, No worries Ill guide you my friend and you will feel my warmth and love

Reason: I'll make sure no one will hurt you, I am your guide

I: My all-powerful reason why have you been so dormant?

I: Why do I have to decide?

I: The way things are going, I doubt if my feelings ever existed

I: And believing in myself hurts me more

I: Oh modest reason, simplistic brawn

I: Where do I go with this?

I: Turning to a direction would only lead me to where I started

I: I'm confused within my own decisions

I: No more pressure, I beg you

I: No more loneliness, I love you

I: No more attachments, I need you

I: I hold on to your arm and hand crawling for your forgiveness

I: I hold on to be devoted and never let you go.

Reason: Haven't you learned? You fool, you imbecile, stop yourself

I: I can't stop love, my mind wonders, no one can hold it in place

I: Maybe I just need to search, so the emotion can be anchored.

I think: YES! That's what I need to do, anchor it.

I: Wrap the chain around my heart so it can feel the cold links glide by my muscle

I: Pulling out my love, pulling out my hate, my melancholy

Reason: The weight won't be lifted, no matter what you do.

Reason: The only weight you are feeling is by that ridiculous anchor around your heart.

Reason: There can be no such thing. You haven't felt the intensity of frustration

Reason: You haven't felt the real feeling of anything

Reason: You're still young and that's your burden. Think about your loses

Reason: Don't you think before you commit actions?

Reason: Do you think situations are meant to be ignored through your selfishness?

I: The language of dismay poisoned my will, and

I: It must have been a reaction through panic, but it is all too uncertain. I just cant consider the situation.

Reason: What was it? Was it peaceful or vengeful? A phrase or a canto?

I think: My response to it was time consuming.

I: I tried to recall the movement, the tone, and if whether or not there was a purpose.

I: I was pensive looking within myself and profoundly looking for that damn response.

I: I felt my skin crawl and my lungs expanding, and I stared at the cause in its eyes

I: With out a motion from my lips, he already knew and yet I still uttered the words

I: I'm going to speak with her Reason

I: I need to know what becomes of her.

I: I need to feel the space of security on me …I need to

Reason: I ask you to reconsider, I have been your guide all of your life and I will always take care of you, but for this I will not help. So I tell you

Reason: To make your own decisions for once, count me out and experience the truth.

I think: So I did, I stared at him looking back

I: Looking forward hiding my ignorance to him

I: my steps were counted when I decided to go back to my destiny

I : I ignored the warfare from the mind guerilla and felt my legs moving slower

I: Frozen in space, completely still waiting for a sign of emotion

I think: Please do, please show you were genuine.

I: oh no.. It cant.. be...

I:A shady aura closed off my exit.

I: I felt depression and emptiness penetrate my body

I: Oh reason.... Take me away from all of this!

Reason: Why are you begging? I am too far from you, and I cant help you.

I: I can't sustain myself, it hurts knowing she is so quick to just move on

Reason: She is doing it with a purpose, my friend...

I: WHY? Doesn't she see how much it hurts?

I: How I feel a pain in the pit of my stomach and purge of sickness weeping through my body?

Reason: before words were even whispered, a cold dark figure came and whipped out his instrument of death.

I: Reason…

I: I'm hurt; Help me for god sakes help me!!!!

I: IM bleeding reason I bleeding, it won't stop, a cold and sharp dagger took me...

I: Reason I love… please help me on my last hour; help me live

Save me oh humble reason,

I: I was cut by something, please I need to live.

Reason: I saw the blood pass through his hands, the new blood that was just freshly pumped out of his heart already left.

I: The pain... REASON!!!!

I:PLEASE I beg you reason make it go away... I'm dying

I: REASON WHERE ARE YOU!!!

I: HELP ME

I: GUIDE ME LIKE BEFORE, pity me sir please. I need your love.

Reason: I saw the iciness of the dagger traveling towards his body, the coldness was making him shiver profusely.

I think: I have never had the love of god and yet I needed something, I needed reason to come back and love me again.

I: OH REASON WHAT IS THIS?

Reason: This is reality, and as terrible and hurtful it may seem it was your choice to walk through it

I: OH THE PAIN REASON THE PAIN!

Reason: I saw him screaming and I did nothing.

Reason: I just watched, and waited till the coldness took over and slowly heard the cries become silence, and then he was gone.

Reason: He came back, but something was different about him

Reason: Maybe this time he will listen to me.

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:21:00

2009-03-01T04:22:00Z

tell me what YOU think, Redux 3

Reason: I saw him walking slowly out of truth, barely keeping his balance.

He walked slowly but his strength gave in

He fell back, bending his knees and laying his back looking for cushion.

He kept breathing heavily; He was no longer uttering words but grunts and coughs

His hands shook as he crawled to my feet, and he looked up only to see himself.

I: Did I deserve such pain?

Reason: Yes

I: how can you mutter such words? Am I not you, as you are to me? Are we not one? How can you be against me? how can you of all people say I deserved such pain?Whatever feeling I felt you felt as well. DON'T YOU dare lie to me! DON'T YOU DARE!

I: I won't let myself be a weak victim to no one, just as soon as I…

Reason: He fell, the truth has affected him greatly, I highly doubt if he will remember what currently happened.

Reason: He looked around as he felt the stiff and rough concrete ground.

I: what has happening reason? Why am I on the floor?

Reason thinks: The truth has blinded him of his source of reality, he questioned what reality was. He could barely pick himself up, so I picked him up and carried him towards water.

Reason: I tried my best to help him wake up from mystification

Reason: I saw that his were eyes closed, his body felt so light weight, I still love him no matter what he does, I have been there through and through. I wouldn't let someone come between us.

Reason: I placed him in a lake and I submerged him in the water, I laid his body afloat and I let the cool clear water run through his skin to provide an awakening to him.

Reason: he was weak, barely able to move, the torture that man has been through, I pity him. I wish I could just show him how much I care, instead of just being called a decider.

Reason: I just want him to understand, I want him to feel truth, is that so hard to understand? Don't you understand how much I love you? How I would die for you in an instant. My feelings for you will never change; I just want you to learn.

Reason: I want you to learn so much, I want you to realize that the madness behind my love truly does have a meaning. I am no architect of evil, but a designer of affection.

I think: there was no attachment, but just freedom,

I: what is this? Where am I?

I: my feet quickly scanned around the shallow location, and I see this man hold his hand on my chest and push me down to the water, but I resist

I: I am no slave to this man; I push away this man, only to see confusing in his eyes.

I: he holds me and tries to tell me what occurred, but in terror I push him away.

I: I try to swim but my legs felt unbearably weak, I moved my arms only to feel this powerful cramp surround it.

I: there is no escape from all of this.

Reason: I run towards him, and he has no control, it must be an effect from the facts.

Reason: I fall down to his knees and I see his fist running towards my face putting me down to the ground. He has trouble walking and yet he continues.
Reason: Does he still have power, is he still in control?

I: my balance is like an earthquake,

I: I tumble but I quickly run from this man who is following me

I: I need an escape.

I: I ran away from the nearby water and I ran into a vacant lot

I think: I need to end my life as soon as possible...

I: I hear reason yelling at the top of his lungs...

Reason: STOP, DON'T!!!! We need each other. It's the only way we can function.

I: I don't need anybody, I saw the truth, I saw reality, and reality Is just a terrible sight, it only leads men to their deaths, and that is what I shall do. Die…

Reason: NO Don't Do It, End life over this?

I: Why must you keep following me?

Reason: You speak of madness, what do expect me to do?

I: I expect you to let me make my own decisions

I: I may not be making the right one in your eyes, but it is a decision, a decision that a free man is making, a man who after much deliberation can think for himself.

Reason: Sir I understand your words, but Death? How can you think of Death?

Reason: I saw him smile and walk away from me.

I: I have no need for you anymore; I was exposed to something you weren't, Love and Truth.

I: I ask you out of love, Reason… Let me be

Reason: If you kill yourself, you shall have to take me with you.

I: and you tell me that I speak of madness?

Reason: May words may seem silly, but I choose not to live in solitude.

I: You have to live, May your wise words inspire another.

I think: But it was in that moment that I felt Reason's words penetrating my thoughts.

werwer

2009-03-01T04:21:27Z

eason: I don't think you will hurt yourself in anyway, you fear death. I know you do.

I: I will, Reason, there is always a way to die!

I: Being exposed to the actuality of existence has molded me. I have been entrapped by this void for way too long.

I: I jolt my arm and shove it directly to the eye of my own reason; I swept his leg dropping his weak body, and tough spirit, on to the ground.

I: he landed head first on to the ground, and he was followed by a quick tear and snap

I: my serpent like fingers wrapped around his neck, and like a venom-less snake I squeezed him till I felt his thick veins pulsating on my palms.

I: I gasped for air and I questioned my action.

I held his neck and I clutched the windpipe.

I was breathing less, and felt Reasons hand gripping on my forearm.

I refused to let go, and I felt my love vanishing from my heart, my body, and my soul.

I experienced an immense pressure on my heart.

I think: Was this love? Or Was this Hate?

I: My mouth opened wide, as my blood trickled from my lips....

I: I could speak no further, my providence was near.

I: Truth escaped, Love crushed me, and reason could no longer speak.

I: Tears seeped from my eyes, and I felt my compassion pumping slower.

I: I tilted my body next to reason, I rested my head on his chest and I closed my eyes.

I: I felt my lids closing as the weight of fatality were pushing them down.

I think: Was this all a dream?

I: My crimes were committed out of detestation, out of revulsion, out of abhorrence and they were self inflicted

I think: I love you, no matter what you do. I will treasure our moments where my empathy use to be.

I: Out of my mind, out on a whim, Out of control

I: Truth leads me to my own demise, yet I may never understand why?

I: I couldn't explain why things occurred, and why my emotions collided with one another.

I: I couldn't possibly hurt myself, reason was absolutely right.

I: But he never thought about himself in the procedure. Here excluded himself and was considered the supreme over me.

I: He manipulated my outcomes and made sure that I suffered along the way.

I: I did what I did, because it had to be done.

I: No more questions and No more hate presented to me.

I think: Things happen for a reason.

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:20:00

2009-03-01T04:20:58Z

lost blog

Reason: Thoughts ran through his head, problems orbited his mind.
Reason: Living for a dream, and dying to exist
I: Reason leached onto my soul and absorbing all my evilness
I: Pulling, Yanking, and eating my sins away. His prudent message was going through me.
I: Death runs through my mind like an endless whirlwind.
Reason: he speaks his words... His hurting words….
I: I need death just as much as I need you reason.
Reason: What….
Reason: how dare compare me to death?
I: I just can reason, it's not like you ever gave a damn.
Reason thinks: what a naïve and uninformed boy, he doesn't realize how much I love him; he doesn't realize my affection towards him. He may never learn, he may never respect, but I can't stand the pain for any longer.
Reason thinks: He rambled about the truth he saw…..
(And By the way it was all complete and utter nonsense.)
Real truth is found in love.
I knew he would be hurt, and that his adolescent motives would quickly simmer down
But insults? My one true love, the person who completes me, he insults… me?
I: You are nothing to me reason, absolutely nothing.
I: I don't need you, or any form of rationality
I: You will see how my act of demise will liberate me
Reason: I grabbed his arm trying to stop him, but he shoved me, and spat on my face
I think: don't stop me reason, im doing this all for you. Don't you realize?
I: GET AWAY REASON STOP!

I think: I wish I never hurt him… why must I treat him so terribly?
I: reason… look.. I promise ill stop..
Reason: NO!! I WONT BOW TO YOU!
Reason: I am no slave to man like you.
Reason: I am a slave to no one.
Reason: I felt this power surge over my body, I lashed out a punch, I slammed him to the ground.
I: Reason, STOP you don't know what you are doing!!!
Reason: SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!
Reason: I continued lashing out my fists on him
Reason: I grabbed his leg and pulled him towards the pond where I soaked him.
Reason: I made sure the gravel on his bare back was grinding on him. I made sure the cleaning I was giving him would be equal to the way he treated me.
I: Reason, I wont mistreat you I wont commit a sin! REASON!!
Reason: I grabbed his neck and submerged him underwater.
I: I struggled, finding the smallest form of oxygen.
I: OH LIFE GRASP ON TO ME!!!!
I: the more I fought, the deeper I was pressed down.
I: constant struggle, constant binding, constant lies, constant odium
I think: Is this not what I asked for; is this not what I want? Oh free me reason… free me….
Reason: I love you…
Reason: tears trickled from my eyes...
Reason: My last action as a slave, will benefit me as well..
Reason: be gone you heinous man, be gone... Let your soul run from the pores of your skin, let me feel what you have felt. Let me be, you cruel man. Die already…
Reason: I held onto his neck squeezing neck, and I hoped that my release won't be that small chance of revival.
Reason: Is he gone? Is it all truly over?
Reason: I held his life less body and slowly released him from my grasp.
Reason: I love you
Reason: You got what you wanted… and ill get what I deserve.
Reason: But, Thank you for understanding…

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:20:00

2009-03-01T04:20:29Z

White

I wish a thought never closed other ideas. I can't be myself, and it's a lie to try.

A verdict has no purpose when nothing evolves. I will stay here hungry for a boundary and be completely misled. When there is no boundary, these events they are broad, and surpass my previous mind. My mind is entrapped by old reason and New Ideas.

But, it's not going to end anytime soon. It's just going to continue, a constant motion dying in the highs, and suffering in the lows. Losing perception of moral and justice

This isn't death but damage to the human soul; it's too far and too late to recover an injury

BLACK

A display of affection is not shown in public, but where someone else feels safe.

Picturing yourself in a world where no impairment can occur would be ignorant

Finding happiness in spur of the moment plans will only be undersized

But ,following the guidelines has lead you to false hope

Looking for shelter in odd locations, and leaning to love; these plans will hurt you and all of that around you.

You can feel yourself losing balance tripping on your lies, on your selfish affection.

It is hypocritical to one eye, but blind to the other one

See how you run from your issues, when you look at things from a narrow view.

How do you manage yourself, when you start believing in your own fictitious truths?

Do you look up at the sun to purposely blind yourself

do you scratch your eyes?

It feels like your motive,and that it's all right for others, except for you.

You've got to be free from the self-made disease.

You have led your plans to a Revolution, reading my ideas, and my philosophy

So, I will make sure these words will shake your world.

Don't disconnect me from your head.

I look at you constantly hoping you don't weep, making sure your happiness will be forever genuine.

Don't fall and sell love for a bargain, Ill look from afar, so you can one day spread your wings and soar above me.

White

Nobody is really sure if I will ever change; my cold and mechanic life never felt purity.

So, I will run and fall at the very form of clarity, I've never dreamed to hear beautiful songs.

Yet, it won't turn me around, but strengthen my involuntary state of mind.

Give up, leave me and forget to keep me, and I will end up making it worst. I hope you enjoyed trying to make things better. Only to see that it wasn't an easy task.

You can save a person who is sure of their mind. No love will be found, when you need it the most. You may have enjoyed your attempt, this isn't the climax, the ending, nor the beginning. This never even occurred.

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:19:00

2009-03-01T04:20:03Z

Road Safety
Current mood: awake

Mind games were played

But mainly shelter and dumb luck

It's unbelievably difficult to keep it in me.

Following my usual schedule I went on my road of safety

Having the wheels turn like the cycle of my life

I could turn the wheel by the touch of my hands, (not much effort but still frightening)

I could turn right and hurt my partner, and never have them there again

So I turn left, nothing to worry about, and my foot won't press the brakes.

I accelerate, I move forward, without heart and without you.

The right way wasn't even a choice at this point.

Death or safety

Nothing to worry about, but still a thoughtful moment

Was this a form of interpretation or messages?

But why was I so calm about it all?

Turning the wheel wasn't hard,

But stopping to think would have led to grief

The road turns to the direction that it wants to.

I doubt that I have total control, but something seems natural or familiar

Minor Bumps, crosses, dodges, turns, swirls, twirls, and it could all end

When Decisions are made in a colorful way, but could end in another.

I fear what these signs mean, and whether or not I am making them happen.

Do I have power over these odd decisions?

Or do I just tell myself that for road safety?

werwqewt

2009-03-01T04:19:41Z

The shore

What a day…

After such conflicts, laying on the soft sand sounds convincing

The tide is almost near.

Time is ending so quickly, and I am barely succeeding

My soul is waiting to leave my body, but I tell it to remain

Anger won't rush through me

And I won't call it a day.

I am stuck where I am, and ill be dead soon

It's terrible to know the exact moment when you die

But ill pretend what ever im thinking is a lie

It could be anything Or maybe it's me who can't understand

I lay on the sand by the shore, with blue skies and no fences

It's not a terrible location, but the perfect one.(but for what?)

*I think*

But, somewhere along the line, I lost my mind

Temporarily repaired for mental acceptance

(I can't control it)

Pushing the barrier of my own future

My eyes are closed ,I breathe on my own and ignore everyone else

I have a mindless rant, where no one can hear me

I see no proof that I am completely wrong,

But no evidence to say I am right

I am strapped down with the key to liberate

But I postpone my own release

I feel like I took advantage of my life (but maybe ill survive this)

I can hold my breath for a long time (I can't panic if I dont hold my breath!)

The shore rises to my face and pulls back.

It looks unsure, and perplexed at what to do.

*action*

The shore confuses me, you confuse me

When I actually try to realize who you are, or what you want

You change, you renovate and

You transform so much that you barely recognize yourself

It does not mean that I don't consider your decision, you just never told me about them.

You wear this mask with beautiful decorations, yet you hide your true self

You don't realize how your own actions have a massive affect.

One person tells me this, and you tell me that

The doors are unlocked yet I can't see myself past the door.

You elude me to this idea that you need help

I consider it an opening, not a door slam to my face.

The tide unlike you, makes its decision, (it covers me with water.)

It won't stop, but continue.

And the tide finally has grasp of me, it holds me and caresses me.

I'm not moving, I am following the water.

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:19:00

2009-03-01T04:19:12Z

speech

(good intentions)

They are taking everything
One moment after the next, I am forced to sit
I have nothing better to do, so I gaze on to a blank canvas
Oh I wish there was less minutes in the day so I can get over you
Watching people, watching everything watching something ... That's what I need to do
Deafening myself without intention
Raising the volume so that I could find my hidden message

I could search for something to please myself
I find excitement on a work of art...… (Who am I kidding?)
I won't find anything, but I still have hope.
But with my luck, time will run out
Constrained and absolutely losing my sense of will
I am not the owner of my senses(I can never be)
Time has control over me; it decides whether or not I am limited
I don't want to tell myself monotonous outbursts
I want to be in control, I want to pace myself!

Who is better than who?

But god forbid that time loses its omnipotent grasp!
I could careless what time believes, I am not a generator for this "superior being"!

I am not a machine I am a man and men do not operate as machines, we have ideas we have beliefs, we have culture.

While your busy counting seconds to minutes.
WE don't do as we are told; we are not natural born slaves WE ARE FREE!!
I AM FREE, I don't need to sit and wait
I NEED TO ACT (sit and wait, for whom? A savoir? For what?)
I don't need a savior, I'll make my own.

Just know one thing…
You can control the world's actions, feelings, thoughts
but not mine

let me have space let me ,breathe on my own, just give me time

Let me have blame for my own actions, for once….

TIME's thoughts

I bring something that doesn't relate with the matter

I won't subject myself for any reason

But when I see such an inhuman, such a horrifying act, how do I look away?

How do I imagine that the act was purely for good?

I can barely move forward with out having myself in place

But I say to myself, why am I like this? Why am I fighting?

I can't do a damn thing, I have to walk away, I have to give up

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:18:00

2009-03-01T04:18:50Z

Pronto

(Seller)
Im going to leave
A new direction and surely a different approach
I'll be a bit nervious at first, but im sure of my choice.
I dont think anyone will notice, but who am I to say?
speaking loudy without hate,I guess no one hears me today
A quick glance to my left and right; I cross the street.
I take a good look around and hear the silent wind
I hear the whispers from nature; I follow it.

(Consumer)
The breeze carries me, the clouds run past my hands and I get higher.
But sooner than expected I will float On to the sun
The warm sheet over me must soon be done ,It will be over my body
So,I can cast a shadow on the people below me
(An unplanned eclipse to blind the free)
I cant picture myself in anyother place,and my redemption is robbing my past
My mind is set strong, and I am not dropping lower.
This is my freedom, no one elses..
I dont need to ask questions or for help.
A Grin wont fall from my face ; its an experience worth while.
I refuse to open my eyes and see
All I do is cut and slice
A brilliant experience thats worth a price.

(consumer/seller converstaion)
oh how do you feel?
this is my career,I dont mind that fear I got use to it
Make a deal, no discounts,nothing was shown.
Paranoia and bags full of tricks
Just try not to steal, be on your own
full front, and not a loan
Dont take too much, there are some side effects
Im not a hero i wont save your downfall
Im just here to collect my money, that is all
do you see clouds already?
dont lose balance keep it steady

(producer)
The clouds are casting an exploitation without explaination
My association with flight is all I have left.
It would be a terrible thing to be sold away.
I shutter at the thought of windless lands, and barron deserts.
Its such a surprise when I see no one stopping me.
But who needs a guide?
All they ever do is help you.
I dont need to pray or ask for a god.
I pretend to be someone else to the untrained eye
I watch the horizon of the blue and a cloud-less sky
Living life in solitude,and asking questions to my answers.

(consumer/seller converstaion)
oh how does it feel!!!
this is my career, dont mind that fear ,Just get use to it!
Make a deal, no discounts,nothing was shown.
Paranoia and bags full of tricks
Just try not to steal, just be on your own
full front, and not a loan
Im not a hero i wont save your downfall
Im just here to collect my money, that is all
do you see clouds already?
dont lose balance keep it steady

(Consumer,Seller, Producer)
I cant help but think of pushing away my discovery.
Ive grown so attached, I can finally mutter my feelings to it.
My spirit cries for it, and anchors itself to never escape.
But,every chance I get ,I will fly.
I feel safe, with my dreams.

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:18:00

2009-03-01T04:18:21Z

blame me Im hopeless

(Dad)

Oh conscious, hide my children

They don't need to hear, I'm not the best of anything

It's been a while since I cared

And God knows I never will

I'm spending money on me and that's a fact

Love and respect is what I lacked

You can't blame me, I'm hopeless

Question my intent or take a guess

All alone in my mind

Making sure not to over step

Taking what I must, and leaving the home

Getting greedy and starting to roam

People say life is filled with joy ,But it's none of the sort

Unchained locks and towers without guards

I fear that I can't commitment.

(Children)

A hopeless man, he will never learn

Yet, it makes me wonder what he does

He never turned around

To see what we thought

A lost battle we never fought

No direction to his heart

Hidden but never going to start

A language used by the king

Love almost lost, doesn't it sting?

(mother)

He still has a chance to make a turn

A hopeless man, he will never learn

Oh here he comes and here he goes

A hopeless man, A trust he may never earn

Vigilant and careful

A man could careless

He won't miss you very much

Wearing gloves with every touch

Wasting it on the dumb and hasty

He takes too much instead of too little

My memory fades, but I'll remember today

I'll follow whomever I see

Waving my hand so I can stay

It haunts me when you are away

No retention for your special attention

Ah, the sound that travels backwards

(Dad)

I'm not going anywhere I'll stay for a bit,

Sleep by your side, till you close your eyes

Take my hand hold it tight

This is last time I'll ever hold you

Helpless nobodies who won't believe

So ill make sure you don't see when I leave

(Mother)

Oh here comes and here he goes

He still has a chance to make a turn

A hopeless man, he will never learn

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:17:00

2009-03-01T04:17:50Z

A not so confession

Forgive me father for I have sinned

I'll tell you where I stand

I never wanted to curse others to subject your beliefs

In forty days you wouldn't show me what you could in an instant

I hate myself for disbelieving; protection is quite distant

Precedence of my future is faithless

An ultimatum that god will be sure to bless

No saints are marching

With Age we have division

Blind and weary of their vision

The lies, supply the faith without reason

Disobeying his presence in thou treason

Forgive them in our foolish world

It's impracticable to understand the lord

His actions come with no support; Life is simple and incredibly short

Hate and selfishness is resistance

To be naïve and unaware of thou existence

A mandatory faith and a crucial birth

The savior must be wholesome, for what its worth.

My candle never lit, there was no fire

Call me a hypocrite, ill call you a liar

Untainted, Pure, with lives spent

Obsession is the simplest of worries to spawn

All the plans ands policies weren't blessed

The sense of euphoria is lost, disbelieving with such great cost

Ask me to point you out…. (You won't be found)

Fear seeps through my skin of my dependence

I wish to commit sins for your attendance

Our inevitable meeting was postponed

Because of those who infiltrated our destiny

They put a smile and destroy our fate

An incomplete masterpiece with missing puzzles

Ignoring signs I see I hear, I touch, I do, and I understand my troubles

Defying other thoughts is a mere test

Taking your hand and ignoring the rest

One hymn or verse is obligated to be spoken

You must obey rules that shouldn't be broken

No hands pressed together for a single pray

A sense of security when you are away

Others tell me you know best, unlike all the rest

Passion and resentment encompasses you,

Manipulators of decisions aren't so true

In the name of the father, the son and the Holy Spirit

Release your claims as I begin to forfeit

What was done was done, I won't hold grudges

Amen

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:17:00

2009-03-01T04:17:31Z

Last nights discussion

=Cloud=
I catch the wind blow

Outside inside, I can't tell the difference

I feel so great, but please take this from me
I never thought of searching for more
a mindless accomplishment, so simple and wise
you just might agree, not a pack of lies
I speak the truth. But I wish I didn't

I'm not excited, we have been though much

Words expressed without our touch
I want them to be real; you wonder how I feel.

I rest, and make dreams come to reality
I just hope you understand my mentality
they crawl on me, they interrogate, and they make me fight
something altered by perception, some are guided by light.

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<div class="blogSubject"><label id="pBlogSubject_327284800">Last nights discussion</label></div>  <o:p> </o:p> =Cloud= I catch the wind blow<o:p></o:p> Outside inside, I can't tell the difference<o:p></o:p> I feel so great, but please take this from me I never thought of searching for more a mindless accomplishment, so simple and wise you just might agree, not a pack of lies I speak the truth. But I wish I didn't <o:p></o:p> I'm not excited, we have been though much<o:p></o:p> Words expressed without our touch I want them to be real; you wonder how I feel. <o:p></o:p> I rest, and make dreams come to reality I just hope you understand my mentality they crawl on me, they interrogate, and they make me fight something altered by perception, some are guided by light.<o:p></o:p> I know sometimes I blame myself, but we might disagree<o:p></o:p> Falling before a mistake is committed in a lonely plea = sky=<o:p></o:p> Confused at what I insisted <o:p></o:p> A definition, by repetition<o:p></o:p> You never thought of searching for more<o:p></o:p> Balanced on someone's palm, held loosely <o:p></o:p> Before you made establishment<o:p></o:p> Take your time, cast your words<o:p></o:p> We know how it's going to end, make it quick<o:p></o:p> I never understood, an undefined phrase my hand takes its time, something to praise I'll give it purpose when I write to you<o:p></o:p> Ignore them….. Well that's something untrue<o:p></o:p> Be sure and say it loud<o:p></o:p> Don't fear you decision, while it's still near<o:p></o:p> Listen to your heart, before you proceed<o:p></o:p> Faith in your wholesome mind<o:p></o:p> Covering at what we find =Cloud=<o:p></o:p> How do I find something I can't see?<o:p></o:p> Tell me I caused this<o:p></o:p> Eyes mustn't suffer, we didn't know<o:p></o:p> I taunt myself, I can't continue<o:p></o:p> Hands feel texture, but I wish they didn't<o:p></o:p> Searching for a meaning with broken fingers<o:p></o:p> Guided by night, and echo's from dawn<o:p></o:p> It's a dream; it has to be a dream<o:p></o:p> I hear the voices when I sleep<o:p></o:p> Oh Confusion, keep the sunlight<o:p></o:p> I'm alone, every time, every night<o:p></o:p> Life just began, make it last long<o:p></o:p>  look for it, and get it wrong I used my heart instead of my brain, that's why I lost I get caught up with life I feel so great, but please take this from me I don't want to be alive, young and naive In my mind you reside, and decide if I think it's true<o:p></o:p> My darkness controls me<o:p></o:p> Left me blind, I want to see your face…. I need to see<o:p></o:p> I can't find words, what good does it do me now<o:p></o:p> Plucked from my head, and onto your hands<o:p></o:p> Tell everyone, what not to do <o:p></o:p> Just below the surface, our basic human right<o:p></o:p> Maybe all I needed was love<o:p></o:p> Real love, not some selfish plunder<o:p></o:p> But love, something we all look for in the end

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:16:00

2009-03-01T04:16:50Z

august -september

Out of the blue, I saw you
The night just came, the sun just set
The stars spread on the day we met
I took you in, no oversight
Reaching for you and holding on
I wonder more in my heart
But, I guess I was just waiting for you
Raise your eyes and ill kiss you when you sleep
I stand on my own two feet, but its no use
This seems real to me, stand by me
In the middle of the night, I say your name
Loving what you want
Wanting what you love
United our love is, Held together by our arms
Feel it, imagined in the air
Warm colors shined through our pores
More words can be spoken
We have this love, and that's all we need

Caring what you want
wanting what you care
Holding what you want
wanting what you hold

Don't you cry, I promised to never lie

Baby, just like the start of life

Issues dispersed, troubles and Strife
While I'm singing, don't you fear
Kiss my lips; hold me while I'm near
I feel like I have it made
Fearing what you want
Wanting what you fear
Our love is a galaxy, barely explored
I don't expect us to discover everything
I think we will deal, we know what to bring
I always have you in my heart
But I mustn't stay.
Apart for foolish decisions, an unclear view
I'm not giving up, so why did you.

Taking what you want
wanting what you take
Giving what you want
wanting what you give

Don't you cry, I promised to never lie

Oh please forgive me darling
It's hard to explain, what I did
You know how I felt inside
Close your eyes hold your tears
Save them for some other day
Young love, that's all it is
This moment is ours, hold it closer
Feeling what you want
Wanting what you feel
So Precious is our love
All you really need is some one new

Not some poor sap like me

Not some person who didn't try hard enough

Not some one who swallows his pride
what we can be, its not your fault no need to try

Loving what you want
wanting what you Love
Leaving what you want
wanting what you leave

Don't you cry, I promised to never lie

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:16:00

2009-03-01T04:16:27Z

Getting away, No place to run,

No misery where I'm heading

Tired of having it; still stuck on me

Can't belong to you, never was a choice

Can't be sustained; but not frightened of my action

Never asked, never spoken to, only felt, and only experienced

Bearing such a burden and only for me.

And then I see it…. My eyes fixate on what's in front of me.

I press my hand against my heart, but I fear to be deceived

Leave me the answers, can't stop aching

Life is short; time is limited, well acquainted when it bothers

forced out of my lungs and onto others

When it comes you'll know

Think to yourself and your making it worse

Absorbing an illness and waiting so soon

Everyone one will know and everyone will see

Buying answers and living a peaceful life

Can there be a cure for such a punishment?

Oh just one less day, one less moment

Liberation from a stricken path

A violent scene from a tranquil joke

Unsure from your arrival, and puzzled to your destination

Pressure in familiar places, but felt in a new manner

Reduce the attention towards me,

Forget it; I'm not the one you need

However long you stay, take what you must

Cut me a break and I'll put in a good word for you

Lacking concentration is dangerous, ill feel better

When it comes I'll know

Think to myself, make it worse

I forget why this started, oh never mind

Everyone one will know and everyone will see

Reading to find a meaning, when meaning isn't there

It's not long, till this passes through my system, I need it to end quicker.

Believe me when I say this

A quick fix and I'll be in good health, I can barely notice it

Still feeling the pain from yesterday, still passing the time

The past feels memorable in the distance

Evolution comes in a different form for this experience

A berserk form of justice and poetically throbbing in my soul

No worries, no hate, and no tears from eyes

Decisions with out confirmation, so recognizable yet so innovative

werwer

2009-03-01T04:15:55Z

A ballad from two minds

Keep my eyes open, make sure I see
you're all I have, I want you to lead
Tear me down if it's what you desire
Torture my eye's, but surpress my time
for I may never see those eyes again
Ignore my plea, forget my sorrow

Forget today, I worry for tomorrow

But where do I go?

There is nothing left

Every one can see

Pieces of what I used to be

A life time for anybody

When it's old, when it's used

I'd better do everything, if I could
Shadows to fear, memories to erase
I wish to make plans, but fear to pull away
My will is stripped by doing what I've been told
I belong to you, but I lack a sense of will
Confused at what's in front, curious of the unknown
All is trivial as long as you are by my side

But when you see me, don't set your boundaries

Do with me as you will

A life time for everyone

The pieces of what I used to be

Every one can see

When it's old, when it's used

See what I do, see what I've done
Expose my weakness on to others
I apologize for my lack of attention
I apologize for getting carried away
I don't got a choice, the decision was made
I wish to make plans, but fear to pull away

I did everything, when I could

I think you know by now

There is nothing left

A life time for anybody

Pieces of what I used to be

Everyone can see

When it's old, when it's used

wer

2009-03-01T04:15:11Z

excerpt from a speech

...................So this is what we are fighting for, global publication, masked concepts to make us feel complete. We could all vote for a leader, but can our leader bring our destination? Younglings will fight, but old ones will perish, the birth of the natural man has been extinct. They take our pride, but for what? For Fuel, for we are combustion of this anomaly in society. Call it what you may, but it has been stated, words, tones muttered from the vibrations of natural cords. Vocal cords, projected from my mouth, presented for you to hear. You may ask why I devote this time to you, but no worries, for your questions will soon be answered. Expect the unexpected in our future. We say we want a better future, but when? Goals should be accomplished, and not fluttered in the wind. I ask you all to unite, not for yourselves, not for me, but for your children and our home, a home that's so beautiful and tranquil, it quenches for better days. I refuse to bow my head, and accept current procedures to these actions. I refuse to look away, as some imbecile who never tried, we are all that's left, and we are the men of this world. I grant you this juxtaposition for magnanimous motives. Heed my warning people, for there is no place to go. As a believer of Natural Laws, I believe we should enforce it,and providing the fruits of life is the mere minimum of what can be accomplished........

wserfwer

2009-03-01T04:14:37Z

no se

Oh darling

Look at your heart; figure out what's good for you

When the time comes right, you'll surely know

You shouldn't fall asleep and put yourself so low

Love isn't going to be lost and be forgotten

It doesn't get remembered and come so often

Love is worth saving, yet he didnt understand

Hurt from instinct, so I can't speak so soon

Still stuck, with a ball and chain

The past is now the present,its set so fast

A love driven girl, I swear you should stop

Its a craving that you should drop

he is not the one you should be with

Oh darling

Maybe you shouldn't have

It's a feeling inside that you can't easily hide

A lesson you learned, its more than expected

Close your eyes, and clear you mind

Make some room for thinking

So unsure; Just wish he could know

How blind can he be? What must you do?

How do you think, when your heart can't move

what you really want to know, is what do you do

Still from fright, but built on love

The more you think, the more you wonder

the opportunity, should never be given

So miss him while he is away

But, feel crushed when you see him

Oh darling

I think you'll survive,

An ending not so perfect, told from your mouth

A word of the wise, a hopeful message

As much as you hate it, you'll continue

Tears will be poured to get you closer

Held together by his arms, so you can forget

His intent, it worries you , I guess you can't explain it

A lonely person, with a loss of words

That's who he is, that's what you'll be

Pain from the loss, he wont be honest

Can't function, just breaking down

you've been alone before, this is routine

Oh darling

Tonight while you are away

The world turns, your eyes tear

The light is coming back around again

Your heart beats faster, you breathe slower

If he could change, you could choose

So when it's done, and the days return

The pain lingers, while he won't

You want to trust him, you really I do

But falling in love, its losing your trust

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:14:00

2009-03-01T04:14:19Z

GLORY FOR HIM AND ONLY HIM!!

"Glory for Christ, Glory for Our savior Our lives belong to him"

O God will shine and take those who think

O Sing for this glorious praise

O Six sided falsehood Anguish to our souls,

O Holy sacrament, strive against those without faith

Mercy will be flown to the thoughts of absolutely nothing

Prosper o dear Christ, you must stay above for we are weak in your pardon

"Glory for Christ, Glory for Our savior Our lives belong to him"

Saved and pledge in your covenant

I Believe in Christ the only messiah

He Lifts me up, He gets me free, and places my soul up high

All truths come from him,when he asserts his cause

All righteous, all holy, all omnipotent

Breathe and praise the Holy Ghost

"Glory for Christ, Glory for Our savior Our lives belong to him"

O He saves thee with thy worship

Remove ideas; don't criticize what you can't see

Jesus sees, for those in need

The Light will heal and guide others

"Glory for Christ, Glory for Our savior Our lives belong to him"

So, to dearest lord, as a token our appreciation

Take thy flesh and take thy blood

Entrapped in belief, we meet in heaven

I love thee, I praise thee

No one matters, none to be honored

forever more I sign this oath with my blood"

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:13:00

2009-03-01T04:13:47Z

PLANET INSANE!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY

Planet insane controlled by the people we call rulers
Indescribable bullshit, mixed with condiments
The speed of our cession is considered slow
But we are submissive of a supreme being (for municipal purposes)
There are chants of freedom, but the people are idiots
There is a pornographic model, set for pleasure
(Brought to you by the people who believe in prophets)
There are Hypocritical parasites sent to destroy
There are Complicated anagrams made for leisure time
The price of a life, is less than material possessions
Yet,This is the simplest way to describe and explain

YESTERDAY

This is a forgotten compliment from the lack of consideration
This is life from a far distance
Its when home sweet home, doesn't cut it
And when life ain't so great
It is a reference to the missing flag
(to see ghosts saluting to the spirit we call hope)
it is a synthetic blend of class and principals
Single served or sold in bundles
It is bent over eyes to subdue the tyranny
It is advertised in every spec of existence
The holy grail of open minded ideas
A rush of suspense, to the classic visual art
Dwelled on by a mystery, to record the moments
It is Held up against a wall, and pierced by rules
It is the Branches of balances, defying the laws of gravity
The Ultimate senses with great reception
Psychedelic games, infrared paradise
The enigma of a desolate surprise, waiting to arrive
yet it's sped on by a personal choice

TOMORROW

The life we all knew, came too soon

Fingers point with out direction

Ideas are pre-made with instructions

Information lets go from retention

A reckoned force slips into demise

Truth's fragrance slowly lingers

The twisted finale is still in preparation

Communication is lost within our selves

They will be victorious with our indecision

The pivotal shift is instant to avoid attention

A glimpse of a surreal revelation is literal

The past no longer exists, to those in control

A future created by the people, to fuck us over

Freewill is set to perish; personal views will be a thing of the past

The people will fall by the choice to live forever in happiness with empty minds

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:13:00

2009-03-01T04:13:25Z

honey

My savior is held in my palm of conception

A countdown is set for the end,

Isolation comes from the feelings I expressed

Time starts changing beyond my command

My Spirit drifts in this protrusion of ecstasy

Solitude is a well known emotion,

Time is eminent, when words disappear

Separating the masses with adolescence

Anxiety is obsolete, freedom is the gateway

The Apathy seeps to the ground, I feel born again

The melt down of fear is killing me slowly

I wonder why I'm still alive

xccdgs

2009-03-01T04:13:08Z

Too long..

The Ashes fall from the end

It's long till I breathe

It's long till they fall

I'm stressed from the heart

For all things must end

Something won't go away

It's so long till I see

I have nothing to say

I finally let go

For as long as I may

I send away my trouble

To send away my love

It's long till the end

I'll never come back

Left without sympathy

I left to forgive

I left to survive

So, then I can go, then I'll forget

It's long till I leave

I'll make sense out of nothing

And I think it's going to be alright

But Long till they stop

They do me no harm

To save me from my life

The Ashes fall from the end

It's so much to see

It's so long to stay

It's so long to wait

It's so long till they fall

I pick up the ashes

To watch them go

Until till they drop

I can't find myself

It's long till self-control

It's long till I know

And When I can't think

and Too much is shown

The ashes will fall from the end

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:12:00

2009-03-01T04:12:45Z

a preacher

The preacher found the voice of god
He was alone and lost in a near by forest
he was told that the days of the earth were low in numbers
he was told to preach to the people
to preach the religion and its end of days
he was told to spread the voice of god by any means necessary
The preacher left the forest after the encounter with god, and found a near by village
In this village he found a large group of young people to preach to
He expressed his new found devotion
In the middle of the street these group slowly enlarged as the preacher continued

(excerpt from preacher´s speech)
"Oh, I am sure of this
(So said, for all to ignore)
The end is near
Hate has reached
The angels have trembled
The Lord has preached
Fear comes from under ground
To take lives as he may
To disappear with out a sound
The demon comes today
Fatal sentence for those running
Forgive your sins, the end is coming!"

contraspectrum @ 2009-02-28T23:11:00

2009-03-01T04:12:08Z

Conversation between the preacher and 2 young men

Down the street ,during the preacher`s speech ,two young civilians over hear him and begin to insult the preacher from a far

(2 YOUNG MEN speak)
1st man: *sarcarsm*When the wise man speaks
1st man: *sarcasm*He always knows what to say
2nd man: *sarcasm*And of course, everyone listens!
2nd man: *sarcasm*Everyone knows his choice of words know best!
1st man: *sarcasm*Gibberish of the world's countdown
2nd man: *sarcasm*Mixed with beastly nonsense, though!
1st man: *sarcasm*And with those words uttered friend, they say the end must be set, Right??
(In walks in a furious preacher)
Preacher: I spread the word of god that is all
Preacher : when god comes around, you will feel his spite, you... you.. you nonbeliever
1st man: Wait; tell me this Old fool, do you know all the answers in the world??
1st man: Can you tell me the meaning of life? Huh??
1st man: Can you tell me why we are here and what I've done?!!
1st man: Why MUST I bow to a nonexistent spirit?
1st man: Armageddon has beset us, right???
2nd man: Oh it must be so easy to preach, old fool
(Preacher): My words come from the divine lord, they utter no lies, my help is purely unselfish, and my love will surpass this hate presented to me
(Preacher) I mean not to offend, my warning must be preached ,my religion enforces it, the people must know
1st man: Look at that imbecile,urgh look at those people
1st man: Hands placed together, I guess people must believe bullshit
and Hymns of coincidence, But I call this god's work
1st man: Absolute faith, with surrounding demonstration
1st man: I'm a Dead man walking!! so I just might be dying huh?..
1st man: *sarcasm*Oh that countdown from night to day ITS A COMING!!
2nd man: Yes, what complete lies....
2nd man: what an old fool
1st man: no!, you can do better than that!
1st man: I want you to do worst than that, alright?
2nd man: what?
1st man: you heard me, now DO IT
2nd man: im confused....
1st man: hurt him... hurt that fucking priest
2nd man: *stays quiet*pauses*
2nd man: *pushes the preacher*
1st man: THAT'S RIGHT!!!!
1st man: *spits on to the preachers face*
1st man: people like you DISGUST ME
Preacher:what are you doing to me?
Preacher: *stays quiet*
Preacher :oh child..what ever it is, god will protect me, he is my savior he is the lord
1st man: FUCK YOUR GOD! look at this man... he defied me, great suffering comes to you old man
preacher: I forgive you my child, I can understand your fear in the worlds end, i can understand your hate that leans towards me, and i forgive you my son.
preacher: I forgive both of you, you are young, and thats your fault .....so young so youthful, you forget whats right infront of you.
2nd man: what do you know ,about what we have gone through?
1st man: FUCK YOU old MAN, FUCK YOU!
1st man: I came here to shut your mouth about that stupid, end of the world SHIT, now you have drove me too far old man
2nd man: I offer you a proposition old preacher , leave from these parts, I dont want to hear your preachering around here.
Preacher: as unjust as this may seem, ill make do with what I have, and ill spread the word of god elsewhere, may the lord forgive your sins,..... and thank you for the settlement.
1st man: NO, FUCK NO Im not letting him get away.
1st man: He has no purpose in this world, not to me, not to anyone
1st man: without purpose A MAN should cease to exist!!
1st man: His life is terminal...
1st man: he is spreading this bullshit, he is spreading a religion based on lies
1st man: he MUST die...
2nd man: wait... die?
2nd man: what are you talking about??
2nd man: who are we to judge this man's purpose?
1st man: dont stand up to me... dont you dare....
1st man:*shoves 2nd man*
2nd man:what are you doing? I am your friend...
1st man: A true friend wouldnt turn his back on them
1st man: fucking backstabber, listen to me, follow me
1st man: he is preaching lies, and not just small miniscule lies, but lies that say that the world is ending ,when we all know that its far from occuring
1st man: who knows what kind of filth this man is going to spread...
(2nd man's thoughts) filth?....can this be true?...
(2nd man's thoughts) no... it cant be right.. it just cant be.

The 1st man, now takes the preacher behind the near by church to further partake in their act against his beliefs